I Have The Best Son EVER

October 2006...

Jack: Mom, I bought your Christmas present, do you want to know what it is?

Amy: No, it's October, I want to wait until Christmas.

Jack: Do you want a hint?

Amy: No, I want to wait until Christmas.

And so it went, every week until Christmas...EVERY WEEK...

Jack: Open mine first!! (Jumping up and down) I spent a WHOLE DAY wrapping it!

Amy: It's lovely, Jack, I can't wait.

With child standing over me, basically helping me unwrap the present,

I get it open and pull out this:

1987 Pilot Santa Bear

I now have 6 Santa Bears.

The last two I bought was when I was pregnant with bouncy baby boy in 1997.

I cried.

He's been telling me I need to collect something and I keep saying, "No, I don't want more stuff!"

I love it, more stuff or not, he picked it out all on his own, and knew I didn't have that one.

Turns out, I did buy Miss Bear that year, and now she has her partner.

Sniff, sniff, I need a tissue.

OK, LOOK AT THE PICTURE OVER THERE
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So, I am standing at Jennifer's cube (pretend you know her) and Mike (pretend you know him, too) and I are talking work. Then, Mike looks at me and says, "Are those new glasses?"

Me: "No, I just can't wear my contacts anymore, I've been working too much and my eyes hurt."

Then, Mike says, "You look like a librarian in a porno...

Wait...I mean that in a good way."

Open mouth, insert foot.


Jennifer is STILL laughing.


I'm thinking, maybe, I'm in the wrong field.


Ok, THAT WAS A JOKE!

So I said to myself,

"Self? This box:

Is EXACTLY the same size and packaging as this box:

And if you mix the first one with milk in the wee hours of the morning

instead of the second one, you will seriously regret it.

Amy: "Ok, these 4 boxes have presents in them for you."

Jack: "Oooooooo, I want them!!! Gimme, Gimme!!! (Child jumps up and down...)"

Amy: "You are sick, go lay back down, you'll overexert yourself. Go back to your chair. Go rot your brain on cartoons."

Jack: "Presents!! I want the presents!!"

Amy: "Did you hear about that kid that opened his presents early? Yeah...he went to jail."

Jack: "Presents!! I want presents!!"

Amy: "Knock it off...BACK!!!! (Blocks grabby kid with her boxes) BACK EVIL STEALING CHILD!!!"

Jack: "I NEED PRESENTS!!!!"

Amy: "Good Lord, you are feeling better, you are SO GOING TO SCHOOL tomorrow."

Jack: (Kid does gross snotty snort thing with his nose...)" Your present smells funny...is it going to explode?"

Amy: "Todd said it might not be mine. He's changing all the names once I get them wrapped. It might be YOUR present that stinks."

Jack: "I need to lay down."

Todd (walking in): "It's just the marker I used, here, wrap this, too (handing blank box to me)."

Amy: "What the hell is this? Am I now your personal wrapping slave?"

Todd: "You really want me to answer that?"



Amy: " Santa is SO bringing you coal...His elves leaked it...I SWEAR."

I'm a bad, bad mother...

Actually, I'm a bad, bad employee.

Jack is sick. He has an ear infection and most likely strep. He's on the generic version of zithromax, so he'll be able to go to school tomorrow.

I'm super excited to stay home and play hooky from work. I kept saying all day yesterday that I really needed another day off and now I get one (yes, I did go to work on Saturday with Jack, and yes, he can do my job, he also discovered my mini slinky goes down the stairs at work REALLY WELL). And what does a slinky and people have in common? They both make me giggle when you push them down the stairs.

Poor Jack feels like crapeola, but he'll be better in a few hours and he gets to lay in front of the cartoon network and watch tv all day. Oh, and be waited on, so he's not suffering too much. He also has a couple Wieners keeping him warm.

Yesterday, I volunteered at Rock the Cradle

It was actually pretty fun, the people watching was better than the State Fair. You know those punks back in the 90's that hung out at First Avenue and had wild hair, dreadlocks, wore some of the strangest clothes combinations, were the first to get body piercings, had some personal hygiene issues, and were so not anyone you would like to bring home to mom? (We are not referring to me, so don't go there, Moms loved me, and I showered on a regular basis) Well, they have procreated, and they listen to 89.3. They also haven't changed much. Serious visual entertainment. If I could figure out how to get pictures off of my phone, I'd share.

I'm off to tend sick child. And enjoy playing hooky from work.

Insert maniacal laugh here.

Hee hee hee!!

Muffuletta, or Muffy, or Little Miss Muffet, or Blanca. But...I don't like the name Blanca...I feel like I'm gagging. Ackkk...Jessica says I've been banned from babysitting because I keep calling her Muffy. She's also going to start calling Jack Edward.

I love her, she's so cute.

The wieners are not fans.

But, they tolerate a lot!!

Who's this new bitch in my bed??!!

Oscar keeps trying to hump Ginger now. I
wonder if it's Puppy hormones?

She's my little miss muffet.

I love her.

Why Is There No New Post of Your Awesome New Granddoggy???

Ok, the camera betteries died when I was uploading and I worked 58.5 hours last week.

'nuff said.