This is Beckham.

Isn't he a cutie-pie?

The wieners were very interested.

So, here's the drama.
I get an IM from Jessica asking to borrow the "Luxury Vehicle", ie, my truck, so she can move the dining room table into her house. "I'm sick of eating on the floor!"
Ok, so no biggie, 2 hours tops.
Then, said daughter sprains her ankle, goes to the ER and is on an air cast for 4 weeks. I help Shannon move the dining set into the duplex at 10 at night.

I had fun with Beckham, though, Jack has this tremendous fear of baby drool.
He acts like it's acid.

I keep telling him, "Be happy you are an only child. And, you wanted a baby brother!"

Having chocolate cake for breakfast is fine so long as it's offset by a banana, right?
Ok, he actually had 2 pieces.
But, he really did have a banana, you can see the blue "Brain Fuel" sticker on his forehead.

Jack's 9th Birthday


"This is the best present Mother Nature could have given me."

Yeah, I'm sure the rest of the state agrees with you. 12 inches of snow is always fun.
By the way, I called Todd when I was out driving in this crap and said, "Thank you for buying my this big tank to drive around. I love my truck."
To which he grunted and said, "Yea, you do. Why are you calling me?"

So, I decided it had been long enough, so I braved Chuck E Cheese.


Awwwwww.


Awwwwwww.

Ok, Patrick looks kinda scary in this picture,
and I just realized he doesn't have his glasses on...
do you suppose they do Lasik on 9 year olds?

We're in JAIL!

Yes, right where you belong....

Need I say more???

Todd was here...and the really funny thing was, he went through about 4 tokens, was on this machine for like 45 minutes, and totally worked up a sweat. Hilarious! Nascar, hahahhahahah...

"It's like High-Def! This is awesome!"


Ok, so that's the volcano cake, though it looks more like a hilly, sickly, tarantula cake. Thanks, Luke, love the spider.

Cake, on fire.

I think one of those "Never-Blow-Out" candles made it in,
because there was one that just didn't want to go out.

Come on, blow them out!

Wait, you aren't spitting on the cake, are you??

My weekend, in pictures.

Ok, really only my Sunday, but I had a wee too much wine on Saturday night, and now Jessica is calling me Anna Nicole and she said I'm never allowed to drink again, which I agree, since wine is way to yummy and they sell my favorite way too cheaply at Sams.

It was an accident. I was working on the yearbook for several hours, then I stood up.

Oops.

Ok, pretend that's me...or maybe Jack..

Yes, I brought Small Boy with me to yoga class on Sunday. He did great! The class is 45 minutes long and he hung on for the whole thing. I was so proud.

(Insert beaming mother here)

I asked him if he would like to go again, and he said he would go with me every Sunday he was home, and then asked if he could have his own yoga mat. So I bought him one, of course, it's orange. I can't believe his favorite color hasn't changed since he was 3. I bought my self a new one, too. It's black. I can't believe my favorite color hasn't changed since I was 13. Go figure.

So work has totally sucked lately. Everyone is on hightened alert and afraid of getting laid off. Most of the underwriters on my team were sent home for the week, and somehow I'm still there. Paychecks are nice. I thank God for small miracles.

Speaking of, it's Lent. I am teaching Sunday School for Lent. Does that count as enough of a sacrifice? I think it should. Plus, I started running again...I have been doing the stairmaster since the treadmills were so full and I started getting shin splints last fall, so the desire to run went to zilch. I'm doing well, I think the weightlifting has helped a lot and I stretch tons afterwards. So far, I don't want to cry every time I move my legs.

I also started swimming once a week. Ok, it's been once so far. But I'm trying to go Wednesday morning at 5:30 if Todd's in town. And to be honest, I feel like the biggest dork EVER. I totally suck at swimming. I'm afraid of my hair turning green so I wear a swim cap, and I need to wear goggles because the chlorine kills my contacts. So here's Amy, splashing around like an idiot trying to do laps, but barely knowing how to swim, with her swim cap, goggles, and feeling way stupid next to the 80 year old women in the other lanes that can swim lap after lap smoothly doing free-style. On the upside, I only crashed into the wall once.

Ok, short post, but I'm boring and spent a lot of the weekend working on the damn yearbook, so I don't have much to tell.

Jack's birthday is at Chuck E Cheese on Sunday, and I plan to be on anti-anxiety meds for it. We are keeping it WAY small and I promised the other parents I wasn't going to make them come with and chaperone... so I told Todd he had to go. I think it's going to be scary. Very scary.

Let's see, other than being worried about the yearbook, being laid off, meltdowns at Chuck E's, and making a total fool out of myself in the swimming pool, life is good. Todd is home so I have someone to fight with, and I can finally touch my head to my knees in a forward fold.

It's the little things, really.

I finished my taxes. Well, my taxes aren't that bad it's that guy I'm married to that makes it so hard.

Should we start with the hard drive he crashed in November with all his invoices on it or the fact that he doesn't keep track of anything? Well, to his credit, I told him to SAVE EVERY RECEIPT!!! And, he listened. He just didn't divide them out and paid cash for a bunch of stuff when I specifically told him, ALL BUSINESS STUFF GOES ON CREDIT CARDS SO WE CAN TRACK THEM!!!

Ick, thank God it's over and we don't have to pay in. I let the IRS borrow plenty, interest free, all year long, so I never have to pay in come April. I just don't think my mental capacity would be able to handle that.

Taxes aside, things are fairly mellow on the home front. None of our printers work, so I can't really do anything that takes printing from home. Jack has tons of homework and never does it when he's at "that one guy's house" so it sucks up a lot of our evenings.

Todd is coming home for a couple weeks (woohoo!) Friday, and I can make him take care of all the stuff that isn't working around the house.

It's like a cesspool sets in when he's gone.

I'm still working out 5 days a week...I see bathing suit season on the horizon...and it's scary. We are going to get season passes to the local water park again for summer. We had a lot of fun there last year, it's close and Jack always seems to find someone he knows to play with! Which means I can lay there and zone out to trashy magazines and work on obtaining skin cancer.

Life is good.

I'm hoping for some down time. I want to work on Zuzu's house, Jack's baby book, and I need a pedicure. My toes are feeling abandoned.

Most importantly, I need retail therapy. I'm going shopping Wednesday for jeans. My favorite pair just lost a big chunk out of a very private area this weekend.

I'm actually really excited. Everything is on clearance right now, and I'm braving Hugedale.

Wish me luck!!

It's a sad, sad day in any Mom's life when her children can wear her clothes.
I think it's worse when it's your 8 year old son...

Yes, that's my sweater. It looks way better on him than me.
Sigh...my baby is growing up!!! Waaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!

I wish I had some super exciting update...such as winning the lottery, or I cracked the unbreakable code and was hired by the FBI, or even that Jack cleaned the bathroom without complaining, but, alas...none of those things happened.

Jack got out of cleaning because we went to work today and he got caught up on all the homework he missed being out with an ear infection for 2 days last week. I didn't crack any codes, but my bones are about to crack because it's SO EFFING COLD HERE!!!

I also didn't win the lottery. My husband left to go back up North to his job, leaving me home again with Jack and the wieners. On the upside, Jack and I eat a lot of grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. It's my favorite, I think. Comfort food, unlike the tuna noodle casserole I used to have as a child and refuse to cook/eat/smell/think of....Ick, warm tuna! (Insert massive gag reflex here) I'd rather have it raw and make sushi! Which, for me, is scary since I usually won't usually touch anything that lives in water.

I think I need retail therapy...maybe shoes...or new jeans...

In this weather...I think I need to go parka shopping. I heard the high today was -3.


Ok, fine...I'll just sit here and dream of strappy sandal weather and pedicures...



Ok, so the Overheard Conversations at my house for the week...

Amy: Ok, the cookies are done. What do you say??

Jack: I will always relish that you will be older, fatter, and die sooner than me. Now give me a cookie.

Amy: (sloppily licking cookies and handing them to said naughty child) Here. I just gave you cooties.

Jack: Whatever, chocolate overcomes all. (Eats cookies and goes back for seconds...)


Amy: Oh. My. God. What have I created?

My eyes hurt.

Here's a rundown of my past few days...

I woke up Saturday not feeling well at ALL.

I missed the gym, laid (wait, is it layed? I can't think...) on the sofa, whined, and watched cooking shows. Since no one was home but me and the wieners...the whining was only drowned out by Ginger whining louder.

Todd came home, we ate, he played with my step/sorta grand baby* and I fell asleep by 9.

Sunday was errand day since Saturday was a bust.

6:30pm Todd and Whitney's birthday dinner at Joanne's. EVERYONE was there. I'm not going to go into the story of Todd, 7 years old being locked out of the house while Joanne was giving birth to Whitney. Yes, in January...his new birthday present!

I hear Todd wanted to give Whitney back...

Monday was hell.

Piano at 7:45am, work, then I prepped all the food for the 30 some judges I was going to feed for the Inventors Fair I somehow volunteered myself for...then I stayed up until 2:30am to get the yearbook done as far as I could so the Principal can proof it before it goes to print. Oh, yeah, still missing both priests and only 4 other staff members. Ugh.

Wait, what day is it?

Oh, yes, Tuesday...

So did all the printing this morning and ran it to school, got to work late, raced home to assemble all the food for the 30+ people I was feeding, and THANK GOD 2 moms came to help. We got done in an hour and raced to school.

Then at 7pm, when all was running smoothly, I ran and got a bouquet of balloons for a friend of mine that had a radical hysterectomy yesterday and dropped them off with her at the hospital.
She's doing well, they found cancer, but are confident they took everything, so they are hopeful she doesn't need chemo.

8:15pm, left the hospital, went back and picked up all my stuff from school (food was a total hit)...

Oh, did I mention the bio-dad showed up? I guess the fact our "custody police officer" Janey is on vacation is reason to violate all her rules and continually push the envelope. Jack was awesome, he told him, "It's not your day, you can't be here." So, the &^%$*# guy left. I have the best son EVER.

So, drama aside, Todd is still gone. Today is his birthday, so I sent him up north with tater-tot hotdish and a cheesecake last night. I hate that he's gone. It's going to be at least four more weeks. This sucks. He's happy with his job, but I hate being alone. I figured out I haven't spent this much time by myself in 12 years.

12 YEARS!!

Bah, I'm falling over and need to get some sleep. How I ever did all-nighters in college, I will never know, I can't even run on 3 hours of sleep!

Snort, Snort, Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz



* Grand baby is Jessica's oldest friend Shannon's baby Beckham. Shannon is living with Jessica at Herb's house.

Awwwww, aren't they cute??

If the Waterpark of America wasn't enough, Jack's Cub Scout Troup had an outing at the Grand Rios waterpark today. Since I am totally waterparked out, I sat and worked on the yearbook.
I soon realized we are only missing 2 students, and they came after all the pictures were taken, so, not out fault.
I then realized we are missing 2 teachers, 7 staff, and both the priests. Nice, huh? And our deadline in next week. We are slightly in trouble.
Todd came home for the weekend and was crabbier than I think I have EVER seen him. Needless to say, I can't wait for this job to be done. Hopefully, by Easter. Ugh. Ross came, too, and was really pleasant. He came with me to the gym both days and we actually had a conversation! I know! I'm shocked, too!
Again, the weekend went by WAY too fast. I barely had time to do anything with Zuzu's house and was having printing issues...

Ok, it's now the 30th and I never posted this. Dang it! I fell off the train!

Here you go...

So, I am home alone.

(insert maniacal laughter here)

Well, I have the wieners, but Muffy went to visit Jessica's friend for a couple days, because, well, she hates the snow. Being that I wasn't up for snowblowing the yard, since I was just proud of myself for doing our sidewalks and driveways without incident, I wasn't taking any chances. Muffy had a few "accidents" since the snow came, and well, Grandma had a meltdown. It's been 4 weeks, so cut me some slack.

So far, she's doing well, and I have to work very long days the rest of the week, so it's better she gets a vacation from PMSing and hormonal Nana.

I wish I had some great pictures to show you of Jack's and my excursion to the Waterpark of America, but well, the last time I got a picture off my camera/phone, it looked like this:

So, um, yeah, not the greatest shot I ever took and yes, that is Jack looking like death warmed over. Since I have no flash, I have no idea what happened.

I told Todd I need another camera of my own since mine (which he commandeered) goes with him to job sites. I think that means we get to deduct the cost of the new camera from his business expenses, right??

Todd is still laying dur-rock (if that's how it's spelled) and is laying tile on 1500 square feet of bathrooms and other areas in this new house. I think he might come home in March...

Me? I'm hanging in there. I let the dogs sleep with me so I don't get lonely, and I am having a vacation from cooking. Tomorrow is Taco Bell.


Mmmmmmmmmmmmm, so bad for you, but oh so tasty!



I started working on Zuzu's house last night, so once the camera comes home, I will post some pictures!!

Overheard Conversations at Our House

Today over IM:

Amy: Todd is starting that job in Onamia. He'll be gone for 3 weeks. I'll be so lonely.

Jayme: At least you have Muffy.

Amy; Yeah, but who will I fight with?



When I got back from Duluth:

Amy: So, did you miss me?

Todd: You were gone? Well...when Muffy sh*t all over herself and her kennel this morning, I really missed you. Having to cough on your empty pillow at night instead of you just didn't give me the same satisfaction.

Amy: Awwwww, that's so sweet. It's so nice to be missed.

Well, it is January 2^nd and I am sitting in the Chalet at Spirit Mountain while Jack has his 1^st official ski lesson. It’s been 16 minutes, and he’s not up here screaming bloody murder, so I think it’s going well! Best thing is, it’s deader than dead up here, so his 2 hour group ski lesson is a private lesson, since he was the only one signed up, so YEA! for him! He needs it, I hope it takes, it would be nice for him to have an interest in one sport…ok, unlike me, who has an interest in none.

Um, hrmmm, yeah, pretty much nothing. I run, do the stairmaster, lift weights…that has to count for something. I’m just not into that whole group/people/sport/competition thing.

Ok, mostly the people thing.

So, on my days off, I have done 3 more scrapbook pages in Jack’s baby book (yes, I’m up to summer 1999!) and managed to get all the kids in grades 3-5 in Jack’s school divided into their proper classes on the yearbook website (don’t get me started on trying to connect to the internet in this hotel…sucks is a major understatement). Granted, I thought I was all prepared and brought with the class directory from this year and the old yearbook, only to spend 2 hours trying to connect (4 cords, 3 passwords, 2 modems, and 1 tech guy later…) and to discover I BROUGHT LAST YEARS DIRECTORY!!!

Ok, so Todd being the most cooperative, understanding, and loving husband ever (cough, cough, hack, hack, and God STRIKES Amy down for that lie) spent about 30 minutes on the phone reading me the class list for every child in class in 3^rd, 4^th, and 5^th grade. BUT, I got them divided out since the photo people had the classes mixed up, together with the wrong teachers, and completely mislabeled. As soon as I can get signed back on, I’ll do the new page template, because, uh, yeah, couldn’t get signed back on this morning. Ugh.

I’m scared, I just poked my head toward the window and Jack and his teacher are coming into the building. I’d hide, but I have too much crap with me, since I brought my laptop with to keep me occupied. {Keeping fingers crossed they aren’t giving up}

Oh, PHEW, they just came back in to get HER skis. They are on their way to the bunny hill.

Enough of my boring rant. I’ll let you know how the lesson goes, and how Little Miss Muffet survived with Grandpa for a couple days when I get home.

I don’t know which one I am more worried about…Todd or Muffy. Place your bets!

I Have The Best Son EVER

October 2006...

Jack: Mom, I bought your Christmas present, do you want to know what it is?

Amy: No, it's October, I want to wait until Christmas.

Jack: Do you want a hint?

Amy: No, I want to wait until Christmas.

And so it went, every week until Christmas...EVERY WEEK...

Jack: Open mine first!! (Jumping up and down) I spent a WHOLE DAY wrapping it!

Amy: It's lovely, Jack, I can't wait.

With child standing over me, basically helping me unwrap the present,

I get it open and pull out this:

1987 Pilot Santa Bear

I now have 6 Santa Bears.

The last two I bought was when I was pregnant with bouncy baby boy in 1997.

I cried.

He's been telling me I need to collect something and I keep saying, "No, I don't want more stuff!"

I love it, more stuff or not, he picked it out all on his own, and knew I didn't have that one.

Turns out, I did buy Miss Bear that year, and now she has her partner.

Sniff, sniff, I need a tissue.

OK, LOOK AT THE PICTURE OVER THERE
<-------

So, I am standing at Jennifer's cube (pretend you know her) and Mike (pretend you know him, too) and I are talking work. Then, Mike looks at me and says, "Are those new glasses?"

Me: "No, I just can't wear my contacts anymore, I've been working too much and my eyes hurt."

Then, Mike says, "You look like a librarian in a porno...

Wait...I mean that in a good way."

Open mouth, insert foot.


Jennifer is STILL laughing.


I'm thinking, maybe, I'm in the wrong field.


Ok, THAT WAS A JOKE!

So I said to myself,

"Self? This box:

Is EXACTLY the same size and packaging as this box:

And if you mix the first one with milk in the wee hours of the morning

instead of the second one, you will seriously regret it.

Amy: "Ok, these 4 boxes have presents in them for you."

Jack: "Oooooooo, I want them!!! Gimme, Gimme!!! (Child jumps up and down...)"

Amy: "You are sick, go lay back down, you'll overexert yourself. Go back to your chair. Go rot your brain on cartoons."

Jack: "Presents!! I want the presents!!"

Amy: "Did you hear about that kid that opened his presents early? Yeah...he went to jail."

Jack: "Presents!! I want presents!!"

Amy: "Knock it off...BACK!!!! (Blocks grabby kid with her boxes) BACK EVIL STEALING CHILD!!!"

Jack: "I NEED PRESENTS!!!!"

Amy: "Good Lord, you are feeling better, you are SO GOING TO SCHOOL tomorrow."

Jack: (Kid does gross snotty snort thing with his nose...)" Your present smells funny...is it going to explode?"

Amy: "Todd said it might not be mine. He's changing all the names once I get them wrapped. It might be YOUR present that stinks."

Jack: "I need to lay down."

Todd (walking in): "It's just the marker I used, here, wrap this, too (handing blank box to me)."

Amy: "What the hell is this? Am I now your personal wrapping slave?"

Todd: "You really want me to answer that?"



Amy: " Santa is SO bringing you coal...His elves leaked it...I SWEAR."

I'm a bad, bad mother...

Actually, I'm a bad, bad employee.

Jack is sick. He has an ear infection and most likely strep. He's on the generic version of zithromax, so he'll be able to go to school tomorrow.

I'm super excited to stay home and play hooky from work. I kept saying all day yesterday that I really needed another day off and now I get one (yes, I did go to work on Saturday with Jack, and yes, he can do my job, he also discovered my mini slinky goes down the stairs at work REALLY WELL). And what does a slinky and people have in common? They both make me giggle when you push them down the stairs.

Poor Jack feels like crapeola, but he'll be better in a few hours and he gets to lay in front of the cartoon network and watch tv all day. Oh, and be waited on, so he's not suffering too much. He also has a couple Wieners keeping him warm.

Yesterday, I volunteered at Rock the Cradle

It was actually pretty fun, the people watching was better than the State Fair. You know those punks back in the 90's that hung out at First Avenue and had wild hair, dreadlocks, wore some of the strangest clothes combinations, were the first to get body piercings, had some personal hygiene issues, and were so not anyone you would like to bring home to mom? (We are not referring to me, so don't go there, Moms loved me, and I showered on a regular basis) Well, they have procreated, and they listen to 89.3. They also haven't changed much. Serious visual entertainment. If I could figure out how to get pictures off of my phone, I'd share.

I'm off to tend sick child. And enjoy playing hooky from work.

Insert maniacal laugh here.

Hee hee hee!!

Muffuletta, or Muffy, or Little Miss Muffet, or Blanca. But...I don't like the name Blanca...I feel like I'm gagging. Ackkk...Jessica says I've been banned from babysitting because I keep calling her Muffy. She's also going to start calling Jack Edward.

I love her, she's so cute.

The wieners are not fans.

But, they tolerate a lot!!

Who's this new bitch in my bed??!!

Oscar keeps trying to hump Ginger now. I
wonder if it's Puppy hormones?

She's my little miss muffet.

I love her.

Why Is There No New Post of Your Awesome New Granddoggy???

Ok, the camera betteries died when I was uploading and I worked 58.5 hours last week.

'nuff said.

I miss Jack.

Overheard Conversations at My House...

Amy: I miss Jack, I hate when his bio-dad takes vacations, I miss him terribly. And, they didn't even GO ANY WHERE. He's just hanging over there watching t.v. I remember when I was little, I'd be gone for a month at a time, I don't know how my mother did it.

Todd: Have you met...YOU?

Amy: Oh...My....God...You are such an ass. That is so mean. I think you are going to burn in Hell for that.

Todd: Good, because all the fun people are there.

Ok, discount nursing home step aside, I hear the Eskimos just leave their old people out for the polar bears. I could find bears if I covered him in honey, couldn't I??

An Open Letter To My Darling Husband...

We met almost 4 years ago. We were married 15 months ago, almost to the day...

I love you more than I ever thought possible.

BUT...

throwing the 2 bags of Santa Bears UP the stairs from the basement DOES NOT count as helping decorate for Christmas.

Get off your butt and decorate the outside of the house.

Thank you, and I love you always,
Amy