An Open Letter to Martha Stewart...

It's bad enough I actually thought you were worth something...

Then, I found out about the restraining order your ex-husband had to get to keep you from calling him OVER and OVER in all hours of the night. I still have nightmares about my ex doing that...

Then, I found out your are a fraud, steal recipes and ideas from other people, are a total egotistical beeotch with a good marketing department, are a JAIL BIRD (wait, you STILL sound like my ex)...but the final straw was when you copied All Clad and put your skank name on it. No, wait, the final straw was really when I saw your name at Macy's instead of KMart, where your white trash ass should really be...

Ok, besides all that...whoever came up with the good idea (and we know it WASN'T you) to make shrunk wool sweaters into hats and mittens, I have a picture for you:


And I feel really dirty because you and I share the same compulsive ways of organizing our closets. Granted, your obsessive compulsive ass has 23 to my one...


As much as I hate you...I also pity you.

Can you tell me what your "Jail Bird" name was...???

I think it was "Cookie".